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new race in PW; Earthguard

2011-03-02T00:09:00.000-08:00

Today is the day we all waiting for. The Map will reset and the new race will come; Earthguard. I've been playing the latest race Tideborn but due to its limited weapon, I finally decided to leave it at 47. Now, I'm levelling up my Cleric as my main char and hopefully, the guild will grant me a position after I reach higher level.

For the past few weeks, I've been checking to PW homepage and I'm glad to see that they will create this new race. Like the previous races, the new race also divided to Physical and Magic based char. Some of the player said, the new Magic-based; Mystic will replace the role of Cleric. They have healing skill and also a pet that can hit. It's like a combination of a Venomancer and Wizard. I think Cleric will never be replaced since it is meant for healing and resurrection. Just like a Psychic who was said to replace the role of Wizard but both class have the pro and contra.

The guild had been very helpful in completing my BH and FB especially the leader. I never actually thought that a Psy could solo the boss. I do feel some sort of regret when I abandon my Psy but so far, levelling up my Cleric is much more enjoyable though he does less damage.

Having the new race will add more excitement. There will be more dungeons to explore and monster to kill. Today, they will arrive and I am waiting for their coming. Welcome Earthguard. :)

the meaning of thaipusam

2011-01-19T08:54:00.000-08:00

Thaipusam as everyone knows is a celebration by the Hindus. As a Christian, I am not celebrating it but I guess it's not a problem to know and understand the meaning of this celebration. According to a source (The Tamil Thaipusam Festival), Thaipusam is celebrated every year on the full moon day in the month of Thai, and this year (2011) it falls on the day of tomorrow. (20th of January) The best thing is, it's Holiday. Yeah~ For me holiday means no lecture, so no pressure.

So back to the meaning of this festival, it marks two occasions in Hindu tradition:

The birth of Lord Murugan (also called as Subramaniam, Skanda or Karthikeya), the Tamil god of war and youngest son of the Hindu gods Shiva and Parvati.
The victory of Murugan over the evil demon Soorapadman.

The Tamil word pusam actually refers to a star that is at its highest position during the festival. Since it is celebrated in the month of Thai, therefore it is called Thaipusam. Behind this festival, there is a legend of a demon called Soorapadman. He was protected against death from the hands of mortals and deities alike. Since he felt invincible, he soon started to tormenting those he deemed weak.

To overcome the protection of Soorapadman, Shiva created a new deity which is Lord Murugan. He was given a spear by Parvati so he could go out and fight the demon. The demon sensing defeat turned himself into a tree but to no avail, Murugan split the tree with his spear in half. Half of the tree turned into a flag and the other into a peacock by himself. Murugan ordered the latter to embed itself onto the flag and used it thereafter as his battle standard.

Back at my hometown, there's no Hindu so I could only watch them on TV when I was little. One thing that I remember was a scene where they will pierce their own body with spears and other sharp objects. My teacher used to say that it is something like atonement? Whatever it is, there are also some other ways to celebrate this festival. It can be in the form of:

Giving out water to devotees or providing first aid and other services.
Preparing special food (annadanam); daal, rice or vegetarian curry.
Carrying a 'burden' called kavadi or kavathi.

In Malaysia, Hindus will visit Batu Caves to celebrate it. Batu Caves is a place where the shrine dedicated for Lord Murugan was made. The devotees will be observing various rituals that are meant to purify body and mind.

Observing a 48-day fast before the festival consisting of one vegetarian meal a day.
Praying extensively at home and at the temple.
Abstaining from carnal pleasures.
Observing silence as much as possible.

On this day, an idol representing Lord Murugan will be carried from one Karthikeya temple to another. Devotees shave thier heads or facial hair as a sign of penance before joining the procession. The kavadi attarm is a popular kavadi dance performed by everyone in honor of Murugan, the Lord of Dance. Thaipusam is a family affair and supporting a kavadi bearer is every family's duty and honor.

Here are the list of different kavadis:

A pot of milk carried on the head.
A small spear pierced through the tongue to symbolize the vow of silence.
A metal rod pierced through the mouth signifying that the devotee has denounced the gift of speech temporarily and channeled his energy toward god.
Hooking smaller burdens like lemons, oranges or coconuts into one's flesh (on the chest or back)
Bigger hooks attached to a devotee's back and used to pull a cart
A portable altar of around 15 kg that is placed on a devotee's shoulders and secured with metal rods to back and chest.

Bearing these burdens are not painless. It also hurt our own eyes to watch the whole scene. So, how they can bear such burden? Carrying the kavadi cannot be done without devotion and belief. Therefore, the bearers are put into a trance (half-conscious state) by swami who will then skewer the skin or otherwise attach the various burdens. In fact, the atmosphere is so charged that even many a bystander is said to have fallen into a trance.

Once the kavadi beares reach the Murugan temple, a swami will remove the various hooks and spears and sprinkles holy ash on the pierced flesh. The kavadi bearer is said to feel no pain throughout and no scars remain, just elation and relief to have fulfilled the vow.

Wow. This celebration is for sure so full of meaning and rituals for them. Sometimes when reading the article about it, I could sense some similarities between my own religion and this festival especially the using of ash. and fasting days. Whatever it is, it's nice to know something about others and I believe the meaning of this festival is no other than the victory of good over evil which could be accepted by everyone.

The statue of Lord Murugan in Batu Caves

Carrying the kavadi

Piercings

what can you do to make the sun rise?

2011-01-10T04:48:00.000-08:00

I could not remember what the whole sermon was about last Sunday but one thing that stick to my head was this short beautiful story the priest shared with us. The story was between a disciple and a master. One day, the disciple asks his master, "What can I do to attain God?" The master answers by asking him back, "What can you do to make the sun rise?" The disciple says indignantly, "The why are you giving us all these methods of prayer?" And the master replies, "To make sure you're awake when the sun rises."

I found the story was really inspiring. Anyone who loves to read such stories would find this book really helpful. It was written by Brian Cavanaugh especially for teaching, preaching and also public speaking. To get free reading, it was available on Google Book but limited pages. Yeah~

why do birds...

2011-01-07T00:41:00.000-08:00

sound familiar? it's the first verse of a song close to you by carpenters. first time i heard it was in 2004 ago. at that time, there was this ceremony in school and the choir perform this song. it was a nice and easy listening one.

but, have you ever wonder why birds don't get electrocuted when they perched on live wires as shown in this picture?

as kids, we're always told not to play near to any utility poles. i always believe that it was dangerous to touch it. i always see birds perching on electrical wires everywhere but somehow i forgot to ask myself why they didn't get shocked until my EMG lecturer mention about it one day.

so, how come this could happen? when the birds perch on a live wire, their body become charged but with the same amount of voltage in the wire. since, the amount of voltage in the wire and the bird are same there is no current flow. we are to remember that in order for current to flow, there must be a difference between two points of voltage. simple explaination.

however, if one part of the bird touches the ground it will be electrocuted. a ground is a region of approximately zero voltage. therefore, a squirrel can run across an electrical line but die when its foot makes contact with the grounded pole.

my lecturer told me that if we hang on the wire we'll not die. now i know why playing kite could be dangerous. interestingly, the birds didn't know this but still they didn't die. yeah~

1st C2H5OH in my 21st

2011-01-02T02:34:00.000-08:00

so what is this C2H5OH? according to wikipedia C2H5OH is what we called ethanol which is found most in alcoholic beverages. during my christmas celebration in kampung last year which is a week ago, alcohol is the main thing that we search for. i've tasted many kinds of it but the one who beats the rest is renmano. it's like eating chicken cooked with ketchup (ayam masak kicap). lol~

in US, teens are only allowed to drink alcohol at 21 but most of them have tasted it at early 13. it also happen here. back then, most of my friends are great drunkard though they are only 15. as for me, i only taste a bit of it. never drink until i lose control of myself but growing up as a teenager and surrounded by it, i am finally becoming one of them. it was not a shame of my family because rice wine is one of the identity of my tribe. it's good if taken considerately.

according to kidshealth.org alcohol is created when grains, vegetables or fruits are fermented. it's a process that uses bacteria to change sugars in the food into alcohol. fermentation is used to produce many necessary items such as a cleaner, antiseptic or a sedative.

when we drink alcohol, it will be absorbed into our bloodstream. from there, it affects the central nervous system which controls our body functions. so why it is bad? alcohol is a depressant which means it slows the function of the central nervous system. it blocks some the messages trying to get to the brain. no wonder, my typing got so many errors last time. alcohol also alters a person's perceptions, emotions, movement, vision and hearing.

if taken in small amounts, alcohol can help a person to feel more relaxed or less anxious but more alcohol will greater changes in the brain. we may stagger, lose our coordination and slur our speech. we will probably be confused and disoriented.

under the influence of alcohol, a person will only become either very friendly and talkative nor very aggressive and angry. i think now i know why some of my cousins always get aggressive when they are drunk. most of my family members are very friendly and talkative but they are also who are very quiet.

a large amount of alcohol can result in alcohol poisoning. the first symptom is a violent vomiting. it could result in extreme sleepiness, unconsciousness, difficulty breathing, dangerously low blood sugar, seizures and even death may result.

therefore drinking is bad. we can look really stupid and do embarrassing things. alcohol also puts our health at risk. teen drinkers are also more likely to get fat or have health problems. people who continue drinking heavily well into adulthood risk damaging their organs such as liver, heart and brain.

a person who have strong self-esteem are less likely to become problem drinkers than people with low self-esteem. however, everyone can make decisions about whether to drink and how much.

yeah~

when sadness is a problem?

2010-12-08T22:10:00.000-08:00

I left the exam hall 15 minutes earlier. It's not that I've finished answering my paper but I've done with my thinking, so I give up and fly away. So, it's a common thing for me right now. I just have no reason why I need to score my subjects here. (I can't really believe I am doing this!) So, let's learn about a thing that always beat me down to death:

According to kidshealth.org sadness is the emotion people feel when they've lost something important or when they have disappointed about something. When we're sad, we always feel that the world is dark and unfriendly. We might also feel that we have nothing to look forward to. The hurt deep inside might even usually ruin our good mood.

I always hear people say laughter is the medicine but today, I learn crying can makes us feel much better. Here's a fact about crying: When you cry, it's like you are releasing a huge pressure in your heart. I find it quite true because everytime I cry, I can feel a huge relief. So, next time if we feel like crying, just cry. No need to think about losing our pride. It's a part to be human.

Here's a list of cause why sadness happen.

Loss and separation: The kind of sadness we feel from death is called - Grief.
Changes: Involve leaving something (or someone) behind.
Disappointments: Losing a game we hope to win, getting poor grade or not being invited to a party.
Relationships: When we get criticized or yelled a lot. Many of us fight with family in struggle to grow up and gain independence.

Kids are the one who often get sad. In growing up, they struggle with fighting, teasing, peer pressure and feeling misunderstood by people close to them can lead to feelings of sadness. With sadness, there are other feelings mixed in, too. When we're sad, we might also feel angry or guilty. We feel like blaming others or blaming ourselves. Some kids mistakenly think that sad events like death, illness or divorce are all their fault. However, this isn't true. Kids don't cause these things to happen.

When we get sad for too long, hurts too deeply and makes us hard to enjoy good things in our life, it's called depression. If you find yourself in this symptoms, you might need to consider getting help:

feeling empty or numb
feeling hopeless (like there's nothing to look forward to)
feeling guilty or worthless
feeling lonely or unloved
feeling irritable and annoyed a lot (every little thing gets on your nerves)
feeling like things are not fun anymore
having trouble keeping your mind on schoolwork or homework or getting bad grades
having trouble keeping your mind on things like reading or watching TV or not remembering what a book or a TV show was about
having less energy and feeling tired all the time
sleeping too much or not enough
not eating enough and weight loss or eating too much and weight gain
thinking about death or thinking about suicide
spending less time with friends and more time alone
crying a lot, often for no reason
feeling restless (being unable to sit still or relax)
having certain body feelings, like lots of stomachaches, headaches or chest pain

Some of us have depression after the loss of someone really close, such as a parent; long-lasting problems at home, including violence, illness, divorce or alcohol or drug use; child abuse or neglect; rape and long-term illness, burns or accidents. But sometimes kids may be depressed for no apparent reason. Having a parent who gets depressed makes it more likely for a kid to become depressed.

It's really important to get help when we have depression regardless of what age we are. Treatment could be talking to someone who knows all about depression. Sometimes medications can help depression heal. If we think we have depression or just sadness that simply will not go away, it is important to talk to an adult about it or to our close friends. There is always somebody to talk to when we are sad or depressed. Somebody who can help.

reconsidering the latest feedback

2010-11-29T06:02:00.001-08:00

Years ago, we were in the middle of discussion when something out of the topic came up. "You are the first person I saw that never work hard for something." My eyes were opened wide and my heart? Broken. Not really sure how it suddenly came out but then I started to reason why I feel like giving up all the time here. My friend's first response is, "Then quit!" Among all my friends who knew how I got up here, his response was the only one that knocked my head against the wall and it broke my heart, again. Usually, people would say to me "Don't give up. Who knows this might be a big chance for you to have a golden future. Engineering will be a big guarantee for you to get paid so highly. In the future, it is all about engineering. Dreams are not butterfly. If not, I'd catch 'em all!"

Those are the supportive words I heard from every mouth that asked why I didn't stay in my previous institution. For a year and a half, I am very grateful to have a bunch of supporters in my doomed days. They keep me strong even sometimes I feel like eating a stone when attending every day's classes. With the hope of finding the silver lining in the cloud, I continue carrying the cross. I feel like I am being punished for something that I don't even know what I have done. Yet, I was actually surprise of my result. It wasn't good enough but for someone who is so reluctant to learn and digest the lesson, I am quite happy for my average grade. There are my friends who are worse than me and yet, they manage to survive until now without even vomiting a single sigh. Contrary to me, I was sighing every single minutes of it.

These three years, I've been thinking to myself what if I have chosen a different path? What if I have paused for a moment and take time to really consider how my life would be in four years time? What if I have not look back and continue only to see the glory of it? There's just so many what if but what clear to me, I feel so bad taking my life for granted especially the knowledge and the prayers that have been offered for me. Recently, there was a blessing mass in the church. I just feel so awful for somehow, I know it will proves in vain.

At this point, with all the plannings I've planned for my next semester I am reconsidering back of what have knocked me so hard against the wall. "Quit and do what you really want to do."

somebody's life got threatened

2010-11-24T23:34:00.000-08:00

One night, we were watching this tv program when my friend complained about the issue shown. The issue was about this residential area where a truck was parked there. The problem is not that the truck was parked in a wrong way or the driver stole somebody's parking lot but what inside it. By referring to the complainers he said "They'll never win this case. The driver has every right to park his truck there." To disagree with him I said "Why not? It'd be dangerous for the whole neighbourhood if he keeps doing that. You know the stuff is dangerous. It'll explode anytime specially during hot days." Still dissatisfied with my response he argued "The problem is, they don't even know when the things will explode."

I was actually speechless for a moment when he said such a thing. How come he could neglect the safety of the whole neighbourhood over a small thing? It's not like the driver will need to park million miles away from the area. He just need to find safer place or maybe he can just unloaded the stuff so everyone can have a good sleep. I didn't answer him for a moment because I was actually more interested in the way he thinks. Is he even a human afterall? Realizing my facial expression on him, he started to teach me about human rights and for a couple of minutes, I was listening to him but then my ear started to get irritated when he mentioned "You just have no idea when it will explode." With a little raised voice I stated my stand boldly "It's not about rights. It's about life!" He was stunned. Maybe reflecting. I with a little guilt in my heart for stunning him, quickly finish off my dinner.

It started good but then I realize that disagreeing on something even on a small thing could actually ruin the whole atmosphere specially when we're having a meal. Yet soon after that, my heart leaped for joy. Yeah, I won!

saint peter

2010-11-12T01:05:00.000-08:00

One of the most important saint in Christianity, St Peter became the leader of the disciples after the resurrection of Lord Jesus. Through this movie, one can get the glimpse of the lives of this great apostle during his lives on earth.

Through this person, we should know that no man could actually escape from betraying the Lord. One part, where the Lord predict the denial of St Peter mark the most important part in a Christian lives. Too many times, we tend to deny him when something terrible happen to us. I, myself denied the Lord for so many times yet through His mercy, He brought me back to His protection.

St Peter had been following the Lord for his entire lives. Yet, when the Jews captivate and accuse Jesus for blaspheming God, St Peter shows his real nature. We too always blinded by our own hidden nature but in time of suffering, this true nature will reveal itself. St Peter, a mere human like us is also not an exception.

In his lives, we see how Jesus still trust him by entrusting to him the key of heaven, even He already knew St Peter would deny Him during the accusation. It is the same in our lives. No matter how many times we deny Him, He would show His mercy and grace to us. Just because He loves us more than anything else.

One of the modern saint, St Padre Pio quoted when you fall into sin by chance, rise up again and set your eyes to return to righteousness. We, mere human need to be saved for many times. Salvation doesn't happen only once but for our entire lives on earth. It doesn't matter how many times we fall into sin, stand up again and walk into to Him.

There is no limit of His mercy. The most important thing when someone fall into sin is to repent and set a target not to sin anymore. A target which is not the same as a worldly target which soon vanish but a target which continue to purify ourselves regardless of how many times we fail to fulfill it.

Saint Peter movie url: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RqXTIOEj5YA

And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age (Matthew 28: 20)

2010-09-02T05:45:00.000-07:00

We may not feel that God is working in our lives every day. In our busyness, it is likely impossible to feel that God is with us. We may think also that God only work in a marvelous way such as His apparition. However, God has a different thought which is undefined to us human. In Isaiah 55: 8 God said, " For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways." One thing we know about Him is He always with us in whatever situation we are. Whether the matter is small or big, petty or otherwise. All is not valuable in the eyes of God. What He value is us, His beloved children. He only wants to show His great love to us.

I still remember one incident where I need to attend a choir training for the Independence Day celebration but first we need to gather at campus. The teacher told us to gather sharp at 8.30 am. Unfortunately, I woke up at 8.00 am. I am so messed up at that time. I rushed immediately to bathroom just to wash my face fearing the bus will leave soon. My residential college is located outside the campus so I need to take bus to get there since I don't know how to ride any vehicles. It takes about 15 minutes to reach the campus. The bus will take more time to reach there if there are lot of passengers. I came out from my room around 8.10 am to wait for the bus outside. However, there were no signs of bus arriving. I only have 20 minutes to make it.

When I came out from my room, I saw several other students whom I never talk before. They also have classes but since they have their own transport, it is not a big problem for them. In my heart, I said to God it would be very lucky for me if one of them give me a ride. Though, I just think it is impossible since they don't even know or talk to me before. At the time, I pray to God for the bus to reach quickly. But still there's no sign of the bus coming. I am getting worried. I saw the students before leaving me one by one. Seeing this, I pray to God may He open one of this students' heart to give me a lift. I was expecting but they just looked at me with a strange look. Perhaps pitying me but they just can't help since their car was already full.

When I started to lose hope, suddenly one of them stop and ask if I want to come with him. I couldn't be much happier. He had no passengers and I just thought how lucky I was at the time. Finally, I managed to reach there on time. I am so grateful to God for the person who helps me. Giving a thought about it again, it made me smile. Sometimes, God works in our lives in a most unexpected way. It was just so wonderful, amazing and yes, SURPRISING. A verse came into my mind in Jeremiah 33.3, " And I want to show you great and marvelous things."

This is the work of God in our lives. Wherever we are, He is there with us trying to communicate with us like a father who longed to talk to his son. He could use anyone, even someone that we don't know to help us when we cried for His help. One thing that I learn, God will never stop doing good to us (Jeremiah 32: 40) because it is His desire to love us with all His heart and soul. (Jeremiah 32: 41). Even though the incident is very basic (no supernatural intervention) but I feel that the Father is so close to me. Now I understand what they meant when God is speaking to us every day but it is only us who doesn't want to listen to Him.

This is the work of God in our lives. No matter how small our matter is, He is there to show us His love. Even we don't know His thought but we know that His thoughts toward us are countless as the sand on the seashore. (Psalm 139: 17 - 18). Thank you, Father. I love you.

Blessed are you...

2010-08-23T01:10:00.000-07:00

Reflecting back to my past lives, the Lord will never promised to me that life would be easy when I decided to follow His steps. When I heard this for the first time, I didn't really understand the meaning of it. In fact, it produced some doubts in my faith. However, the Lord never said that He will abandon us. In times of trials and sorrows, He will be there to guide us, to give us the light so we can walk His way.

When I tell my friend that I'm willing to change, my friend was very happy. Though she tells me through SMS, I could feel her joy. It's been a very long time she adviced me to open my heart. Eventhough it seems impossible but once I open my heart, I could feel the power of God entering, changing everything in my life. The world that I'm so reluctant to give up before is not a matter anymore. I have learnt the greatest lesson, how to give up everything for God. It doesn't matter I lose my friends. What matters now is to live serving the living God.

Temptation by temptation came even I follow Him now. Every day, fears came to pull myself back into the world I'm in before. Though, through God it became meaningless. My old friends blame me for abandoning them, telling me that I've changed and became so arrogant to them. The thing is that, I have no meaning to leave them but in order to follow Jesus, I must choose them or God. Some of them said to follow God is not neccessary to leave them, in fact leaving them is against the will of God. However, I decided to follow the Word of God. If I continue to live in the world, all of us will die burnt in the torment of Hell.

The word in the Bible is revealing itself every day. Today,I was claimed to be full of hatred and disorders. Even, I was claimed to have the faith not from Jesus and it just hurt me so much...

"Blessed are you when men revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven, for so men persecuted the prophets who were before you. (Matthew 5:1-48)

eternal Hope

2010-08-12T06:24:00.000-07:00

life is getting great lately. i'm back at my previous job, a responsibility that i've left before. i never thought that i would be in this society again after i decided to leave my FAITH. thanked God for giving me another chance.

sometimes, when life gets so hard, we are prone to leave our faith. it always happen to me since i experience a BIG fall in my life. the thing is that, during this hard time i get whatever i want. my study is also getting okay but there's just something incomplete inside. it feels as if there's a big hole everywhere i go. feeling of insecurity, fear and exhaustion. i also realized that i get exhausted so easily. sleep at 9.00 pm and wake up only to skip the whole class next morning.

now, it doesn't really matter to me. what i fear is now gradually disappearing. it's true that i still unsure about my future but knowing that there's Someone who holds my future is really ENCOURAGING to live another tomorrow. thanks Jesus, my saving Grace.

bloom where u've been planted

2010-07-21T18:22:00.000-07:00

take time to laugh
it is the music of the soul

take time to think
it is the source of power

take time to play
it is the source of perpetual youth

take time to read
it is the foundation of wisdom

take time to pray
it is the greatest power on earth

take time to love and be loved
it is a God-given privilege

take time to be friendly
it is the road to happiness

take time to give
it is too short a day to be selfish

take time to work
it is the price of success

sharing is caring...

oh christmas tree...forever true your colour

2010-07-02T21:21:00.000-07:00

I never had Christmas tree even I celebrate Christmas Day every year. Some people say, Christmas has no meaning if there’s none. For the Eastern, Christmas is still a Christmas even there is no such tree. But for the Western, it has been a tradition to have one even they don’t believe in Jesus Christ. Christmas Day has been a general celebration for all regardless believers or non-believers. Growing up with the absence of this tree, I don’t bother to know why they need such tree to make the celebration even more meaningful. Christmas day is all about the birth of Jesus. However, living with people from all kinds of background I am always bombarded with question. I remember one asking me of Christmas tree but unfortunately I fail to reason him. It has no meaning, just for fun. That’s all I could say to them.

Today, I regret how I reacted back then. I guess it can’t be help at all cause I really have no idea why one should have Christmas tree to celebrate Christmas. I am completely failed to relate the tree and the birth of Jesus. I keep on asking myself but never really search for answer until God finally show it to me. I was once sitting in my brother’s room reading a book. I paused for a while when I saw old pieces of newspaper on the table. Actually, I’d noticed it before but I just ignore it for I want to finish my reading. Somehow, I was moved to read it and something caught my attention.“Christmas tree and evangelisation”

A Christmas tree is only a normal green tree growing in the dark thick forest before it finally turns into something so stunning and glowing with decorations all over it. During Christmas day, human will go find and choose the best tree they could find and back at home, they will decorate it with all kinds of decoration. Finally, a new tree is formed. Its beauty now amazes everyone who looks at it. Just like the tree that grows in the thick forest, human are so. Before Jesus Christ came, human live in darkness. A life far away from God, never knew the abundance love and grace of Him. All they know was this god who needs sacrifice to calm his anger so that they people could be saved. They must obey the law to be saved as if god is always angry or unless, one should be prepared for punishment.

Jesus brings a whole new world when He was born. Human finally reconciled with God. There’s no more barrier that separate human and God or separation between the Jews and Gentiles. There’s no more angry god but a loving God that no matter how many sins one did, God is still there waiting for him to come back so faithfully. I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love. (1 John 4: 16) And to tell you that I am not counting your sins. (2 Corinthians 5: 18-19) It’s just because of some people that misunderstand the loving God that finally lead everyone astray. I have been misrepresented by those who don’t know me. (John 8:41, 42, 44) And the biggest difference, God now is a Father. For I am the perfect Father. (Matthew 5:48)

The birth of Jesus Christ marks the new beginning of the world, reconciliation between a child and a father. People were brought out of from darkness and slavery. Just like the tree that was brought out from the darkness of the thick forest, now its beauty shines and fills the house with joy and fun. It’s same when one live in Jesus, life will never be the same again. Life will shine with joy and hope no matter how great the tribulation is. And of course, spending time together to decorate the tree is one way to spend time with the family we love.

on that day, he came as a stranger

2010-06-24T11:19:00.000-07:00

I just wished this sorrowful moment will never happen again. Knowing that I won’t get to see them for some more months is truly devastating. I would never see my brother growing up or watch the wrinkles of my parents multiplying. Those were something that I would miss for the rest of my life and I knew it would never happen again. I couldn’t look at my dad’s face when he sent me to the bus station. If he didn’t leave earlier I would have burst into tears.

Knowing that I had to leave alone was even more saddening. Travelling with no friends beside us gave some insecure feeling. And I had been always so. I found another passenger in the bus was heading to the same destination as mine. Though, I had no feeling of getting to know more but she’s seemed to be happier when she knew that I was heading to the airport. She asked me a lot but my reply was just a YES NO answer. I wasn’t in the mood of helping anyone and I just wanted to be left alone at the moment. She might understand that I was getting annoyed that she stopped questioning and kept silent until we reach to the airport.

I felt more like searching for a hiding place when I reach inside the terminal. I was afraid of that old lady would search for me. I tried to sleep for I still had quite a time before the flight. But then my family’s faces entered my head one by one. If only I didn’t make the wrong choice, I wouldn’t have been in this condition right now. 30 minutes before check in, she found me. I felt like running away but I stay when she left me back to her seat before. I stared at the blank seat in front of me and suddenly, I found her heading towards me and finally there she was, sitting on the blank seat just now. I didn’t understand why I was afraid of her so much.

Despite of the ignorance that I show just now, I found myself asking her WH questions. According to her, she was going to visit her son and I guess this was her second time flying. Last time, she was lost and took the wrong flight. It was the reason why she need someone to guide her. Hearing her story made me feel guilty and I was truly ashamed of myself as a young man for ignoring such an old woman like her before. We exchanged stories while waiting for the flight until we finally separated in the plane.

I tried to look for her after the plane landed but afraid of missing the bus, I neglect my will. While waiting for the bus, I saw her following her son to their car on a distant. She didn’t see me and at the moment I just wished that I was her. She was coming and I was leaving. Despite of the journey that we’d shared that day, it was weird because I just had no idea why I forgot to ask her name. So much…

Give to the one who begs from you, and do not refuse the one who would borrow from you. (Matthew 5:42)

Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. (Philippians 2:4)

For I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you clothed me, I was sick and you visited me, I was in prison and you came to me.’ Then the righteous will answer him, saying, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you drink? And when did we see you a stranger and welcome you, or naked and clothe you? And when did we see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ ... (Matthew 25:35-40)

the sisters and brothers

2010-06-05T09:36:00.000-07:00

2 weeks ago, I was visited by two uninvited guests from a religious organization. It was another branch of the church. One is Japanese and the other one is Italian. Both of them are young beautiful ladies. I guess they are around 25 from their looks. It wasn’t surprised me having them all of a sudden because it had been twice I met such preachers before. I wasn’t interested in their preaching but ignoring people was not really good especially when they came with good intention. So I just pretend as if I was listening to them. First question they asked was my religion and I replied, Christianity. They showed no expression but straight away asked me to read the book of the new branch. Jehovah, that’s title of it. Well, this wasn’t the first time I encounter the name.

Sometimes, these people gave me a headache. I just don’t understand why they still want to preach to us, even we are in the same church. The difference is just the name and I guessed it is more to a culture-matter than faith-matter. Different tongue, therefore different pronounciation. Just because of a small matter, it leads to a huge problem. Luckily, I was born in the most universal branch of the church. They never ever teach me to say they are wrong and we are the only righteous. It really is uniting us. If only the other branch could understand the true meaning of discipleship. For me, it was a beautiful thing having these different branches but still focusing on the teaching of the Lord. It was just like brothers and sisters. Therefore, should be no problem at all. It only shows nothing but a hunger of power if competing of which has more follower. If they really want to preach the way of salvation, why not follow the example of Mother Theresa. Her faith maybe based on Catholic but through her, many hearts were lead to Jesus and this was quoted by a Protestant pastor who always oppose the way of Catholics worship God. The church should work as one not opposing each other. It is already stated in the Bible,

There are many differences of administrations but the same Lord. (1 Corinthians 12:5)

For the body is not one member, but many. (1 Corinthians 12:14)

For first of all, when ye come together in the church, I hear that there be divisions among you; and I partly believe it. (1 Corinthians 11:18)

So why still condemning each other? It’s just because of the cultural differences, not the Lord. I don’t see why there should be divisions among the church itself. Anyway, it’s nice to see the faithful hardworking servant of God travelling to the most unknown places reaching for people, lost lambs for the Lord. Cathya and Haruko, God bless you guys where ever you are. Hope to meet you again next time. The Lord be with you. :)

forgotten lives

2010-05-17T00:41:00.000-07:00

The church was crowded but I could feel the father’s sermon was directly reaching to me. I was touched as the word returning came out from his mouth. I realized I’d been wandering too far, turning away from God. I thought that I could have the thing that I wanted by ignoring Him. And yes, I got what I want. The freedom that I want so badly is now in my hand. But still, it’s not the thing that I want. Feeling could fool so many people. They got what they want just to find it was not the thing they needed actually. Today, I could feel how the Book was really alive. There were so many things in it that I didn’t understand and at those times, when the Book was a normal storybook, I was like “What so special with this one? I don’t see any extraordinary things in it. I’d rather believe in my text books than this one. Even some of the stories are not suitable for under ages.”

But now, my view changed. It’s not a normal book anymore. It’s a book of my life. All the things happened in my life was recorded in it. I am just manifesting it through my real life. Experiences that I’ve had all these years, all lead to Him. No matter how strong my will to deny Him, I just can’t. I’ve ran a thousand miles and yet He still chasing me everywhere. He used everything just to reach me, trying to speak to me so much. He is the still the same. The day I was born, now and the days yet to come, He will be the same. A gift that I could never understand why I worth it.

ALONE in a CROWD...

2010-05-10T20:24:00.000-07:00

after leaving this place for 2 years, i finally get the chance to return here again. this place hasn't change much. the cafe that used to be my favorite still here. even the 1 ringgit drinks also still here. i would like to visit all the places here before i go back to my hometown but time is so limited. but i guess, that is why i have to make full use of my time here, appreciate everything, every seconds. unable to continue my study here is such black hole in my life. i would never thought that this one mistake would finally curse the rest of my life. i've devoted myself to study but unable to get what i desire the most is really HURTing. though, life goes on hoping that things will get clear eventually. the environment here is really different from my own university. the students wake up very early even during holiday. back in my own, if there is no activities they will sleep for more than 10 hours including myself. skipping breakfast and wake up only at lunch hour. it's really a BIG LOSS for me to be eliminated. how i wish i can continue my live here. it will make a difference...

even i try to live optimistically i cant really free myself from the past. i always said to my friends "past is a past. forget the past, move to future" when they mentioned about my background before but in fact, i CANT. i just cant forget where i used to be. how i used to be. back then even i have no friends, i never felt lonely or losing hope to live. but now, even i am surrounded with so many people but i still feel this BIG HOLE in my life. hopeless, emptiness and loneliness...

CHOICEless...

2010-05-03T02:23:00.000-07:00

i'm going to sit for my final paper this thursday and friday. this semester, the exam schedule was weird. the gap was too long like one week. i should have used it wisely but i don't think i manage to do it. during that time, i just dota-ing and utube-ing with my friends. we spend it more on unimportant things rather than doing revision. so, if my result is bad then no one should be blamed except myself.

during high school, i'm not such a person. i never become lazy doing any exercises and my goal was very clear. i want to become the best and prove to someone that i could survive even though i am a dork. i realize i don't have much friends and my social life was very bad seriously. i also felt like a stranger in my own home. so, to get over it i am just thinking of STUDYing all the time. READing has been a part of me. the BOOKS are my friend and for some reason, i never felt alone while isolating myself from human. my tiny world was so wonderful with the image of the story.

but reaching this level of life, somehow i realized that i've left so many things behind just to chase the dreams that will never be mine. now, all my efforts before seem so meaningless when at last, i am left with no choice. i couldn't even get to do what i wanted and it's HURTing so much walking in a path that someone else designed. i hate seeing those PASSIONs shown by them. if only i could turn back time...

aim for stars not the moon

2010-03-31T03:37:00.000-07:00

It was a tiring week when I have to sit for two consecutive tests, Electronic Devices and Digital Electronic. These two subjects are the core for the course I took. If I fail means I won't be able to complete this course successfully. Lucky it was only Test 2. At least I still have one more chance to score. My preparation was not really good for the Digital so I am not expecting much of it but for Device, I really hope my effort will be worth it.

My heart leaps up when Miss A said all the questions are very easy. She even gave me a very high hope when she said so. The moment I open the questions, I felt a rush of joy. I've answered it before and for sure I would be able to answer it. But then I sense there was something wrong happening when I reach to second last question. I took a long time to finish it. It was very tensed. When I reach the final question, I look at the time. 10 minutes more. Never in my life I took a long time to finish such straight forward questions. The first part of the question was theoretical. Crap! I could not recall any of the theory I've read before. So, I leave it and proceed to the next part hoping that I would have time to go back through it. Second part, I managed to answer. Calculate everything using the formula I've learnt in the class. A STOP from the lecturer was heard immediately right after I wrote my last calculation. Too bad I could not go back to the theoretical part. So, 4M flew away freely just like that. Hope the rest could make it for me.

Digital, different story. The test was held after 19 hours from the test. Time for me to sleep, eat, take my bath, breath etc and the most important, do my revision lies in this 19 hours??? It was OK if only I pay attention during this class but instead, I spent most of it ZZZ-ing. So, what I do? I just live my life normally. 4 hours before the test, I spent with drawing back all the figures in my reference book. I guess it was the only way for me to at least not leaving the test paper, blank. I didn't have much time to understand all the drawings. So, I applied the education system by the ancient Chinese civilization. Memorizing without understanding. This was not the first time I do it. Sometimes, I also use it to understand the Arabic writing, Chinese etc. It's all about picture. Picture doesn't need letters to explain itself. I just put whatever pictures came to mind even though I didn't really understand what the question wants on my answer sheets. I hope it will reward me at least half mark. Mark for trying. Honestly, it is not fair to give zero because shoot for the moon, even if we miss we will land among the stars.

calculate me

2010-03-20T11:00:00.000-07:00

I had my Math test today. It was quite easy as the questions are straight forward but still I didn’t finish because I’m very slow at calculating the equation using calculator. Plus, seeing a lot of numbers, decimal numbers and fraction confuse me so much. Sometimes when I press the ‘=’ button, output is nothing but SYNTAX ERROR. So, I have to start over again. Arranging, inserting and pressing the calculator carefully so any important symbols won’t miss. Otherwise, I have to keep repeating the same process again.

When I was in elementary and high school, calculation was like a piece of cake for me. Actually I never thought that I did so not know Math before I enter this higher education level. I just memorize every steps and solutions of the problems given. But here, I learn a different thing. Other than knowing and understanding the solutions, I also have to know how this formula was formed. One thing that remains unchanged for my Math is confusion.

My eyes will spin if I saw too many numbers. It got even worse today. I find difficulties in calculating especially in decimals numbers and fraction, even using calculator. Though Math is a very fun subject to learn. We will finally reach to one ultimate answer even we use various ways. Just like our lives, we live it in so many different ways. But at the end, we reach the same point. I guess that’s the only thing that we different shared together as human.

charged with charges

2009-12-26T22:15:00.000-08:00

New semester is coming really soon and by the end of today, I'll be in the second phase of my second year as electrical student. Though, I am still in my home, spending time with my family before I leave them again for about 5 months? This time I feel very different. Last time, new semester came and passed just like the wind. Easy and breezy but this time, I am filled with so many anxieties. I guess I must have been thinking too much about this course. Since it is not my choice, I didn't really feel connected with it. When I was young, I always choose my food and this one? Never ever in my mind I would choose to eat it. Perhaps I can swallow it but digest? Most unlikely. I did give it a shot, trying to master it even I don't really feel to but by any means it's all about FORCE. Force and force and force…

I could still remember doing exercise on my Electric Circuit Theory. First, it was fun because I enjoyed letting the ship sail from its anchorage. Then, it will sail harmoniously following the wind. Suddenly in the middle of the ocean, came the heavy rain bringing along the storm. And poof! The ship sank, eaten by the rage of waves and finally I found myself gasping for air tracing back the ship somewhere at the bottom of the sea. I couldn’t breathe in water and finally I found myself getting headache. Actually, I could hardly believe I can still survive even though I have to make my own formula when answering my electrical subject in exam. The result? Usually, my electrical subjects are the lowest and I know as an electrical student it should not be usual.

Do you know what it feels learning this course? If you think of eating nuts or a cake, then good for you. I could say it’s like trying to see the unseen. Or listening to the sound of silence? Or maybe catching the flies with bare hand? Or maybe predicting the future? Anyone could predict the future the only matter with that is whether your prediction is a bingo or the other way. Every day in the class for the past year was spent with imagining the tiny particles movement. See where it goes, end and what obstacles will it faces in its never-ending journey. It could have been easy if only I could follow their direction but with my limitation of imagination it is very hard for me to get the visual. Distraction happened every day and once I am distracted I could not follow that tiny thing anymore. You see, even it’s just a little tiny particle but it means a lot to me now. It could either kill or save my entire life.

growing or changing?

2009-12-17T00:14:00.000-08:00

I was raised like other typical boys in the village but I just figured out that I was just different from them. I started my formal education in what we called now as Pre-School with the other same age kids there. There wasn’t much memory I could remember except for one incident where I sulked at the teacher so much that I just left the class. I didn’t really remember what got into me but that wasn’t the worst part. After a few miles from the building, I picked a stone and throw it to them. My hand might be very weak then when it failed to hit the target which was the teacher. So, I picked another one and started throwing again. Luckily, this time the teacher noticed me and there I was, running away to my home which was just two miles from the school. There from a distance, I observed the class like a predator hunting for prey. I just wished it never happened because it was very embarrassing each time I met with this uncle’s wife. I hope she already forgot the incident.

First grade was my first fame. After I got my first result in my first examination, all the teachers started to look at me. My parents were very proud of me too. Being the second top student in the school really made me like a diva. Everyone was worshipping you like you possessed a higher power. The first didn’t really receive the worship like I had because she’d been repeating the same grade like three times??? That surely made her a senior for us in everything. What made her less was she was my teacher’s daughter a.k.a English and my classroom teacher. I know it sounds biased, envious and prejudice but that’s what everyone in the school think. She’s the daughter, I could hear it coming out from everyone’s mouth whenever she got higher mark than me and it was kind of soothing music for me. She must had been aware of it because I just couldn’t beat her until we’re in the last grade.

Examination is like a war. Teachers always saying it to give us the awareness of how important it is in our lives and I couldn’t agree more with them. Personally, it’s more like a battle with the girl that always in front of me. I also believe the teachers would see the examination as a battle between her and me, personally. As a man, it’s a shame to lose in a girl’s hand but though she was always on top of me but I had more followers than her. She would never beat me in this battle. Everyone voted for me when it came to election. A class monitor election. So she would be my assistant but her function was of course less or maybe I should say just to complete the policy because I never skipped the class for the whole year. Throughout my year there, I had to admit that we had developed a friendship. I think a very close friendship that everyone was gossiping about us then. I could remember when a new male student just moved to our school and lucky for the rest, he was in our class. I felt uneasy with him and for me, he was like the new prince who will take control my throne and since he was from the urban area, everyone would assume him to be the next me or the next her. This added to my anxiety of this guy but it wasn’t easy to bring us both down. The girl and I manage to maintain our reputation and the friendship went on. The gossip also once turned to him, him and the girl. I did felt a jealous but we weren’t officially classified as couple, so I was just like so what? Those puppy love things really made me to grow up quickly, I just couldn’t wait to become adults.

When I was embracing this puppy love, the girl and I would exchange letter. A typical puppy love. One thing I wrote to her was about leaving her and when I think about it now, I laugh because I just can’t remember why I wrote it to her. Now, as I grew up puppy love becomes a history, an amusing history. The girl is also now fading towards history bringing along my feeling as a man.

Just like this creature,am I just growing or changing?

greater scheme

2009-12-15T02:43:00.000-08:00

Just found this old piece. Think I'll share it.

Tired of weaving dreams too loose for me to wear
Tired of watching clouds repeat their dance on air
Tired of getting tied to doing what's required
Is life a mere routine in the greater scheme of things?

Through with taking roads someone else designed
Through with chasing stars that soon forget to shine
Through with going through one more day what's new?
Does my life still mean a thing in the greater scheme of things?

I think I'll follow the voice that calls within
So here I'll follow the voice that calls within
Dance to the song it sings
I hope to find my place
So my life can fall in place
I know in time I'll find my place
In the greater scheme of things

Each must go his way, but how can I decide
Which path I should take? Who will be my guide?
I need some kind of star to lead me somewhere far
To find a higher dream in the greater scheme of things

The road before me bends, I don't know what I'll find
Will I meet a friend or ghosts I've left behind?
Should i even be surprised that you're with me in disguise
For it's your hand I have seen in the greater scheme of things
For yours is the voice of my deepest dreams
You are the heart, the very heart of the greater scheme of things
Why don't we follow the voice that calls within

Dance to the silent song it sings
One day we'll find our place
For all things fall in place
For all things have a place
In a greater scheme of things

back to my sanity

2009-12-10T03:09:00.001-08:00

Sharp at 5.30 am, I woke up automatically and easily, free from any difficulties. Today, the time for me to get back to my sanity was finally arrived. Actually, I didnt really feel like returning back but because of natural obligation, I had to force myself. So, the journey started at 6.30 am. I left the house with two of my friends. We’re sharing the same route but different destination. It was nice to have someone accompanying me during the journey. They could be such a great help in case we need direction. Even if we’re lost, at least we know that we are not alone.

Waiting had been always the word that I always wanted to avoid. For me, waiting was one of the most torturing feeling that always hit people who is always rushing with time. But it wasnt a torture if we know when the waiting will be over. The bus came to pick us at 8.00 am and along the way to our first destination, I just read the book that I bought from MPH last days. Usually, I would spend my time in the bus observing all the objects we passed but as usual, nothing spectacular. Everything looked so normal with people moving here and there while the building just stand still stiffly, dead.

We reached Larkin at 9.30 and here, we had to wait for the green A1 bus to get to the airport. The RM3.50 fee was quite cheap. Last time, I had to spend RM100 to UTHM from the airport. This was my first time actually in JB. Before this I just passed it and I didnt really pay attention to the view of this metropolitan city. Quite similar to KL except it had less building and plenty of spaces were still available for development. As I observed the development made by human on this planet, I actually wonder if the Earth would endure much longer. So many man-made injections and modifications on its body, I believe the Earth was actually groaning in pain and begging for a stop. Thanked God, the awareness to stand for her still exist.

A classic house on the edge caught my eyes. It was a classic English house wrapped with the grass climbing all over it except for the entrance. I’d been dreaming to have such a house in my next life. I think it would be wonderful to have the feeling of living in such a historical environment. There wasn't much passengers in the bus. That someone who attracted me before was already gone out of my awareness.

Senai Airport was very small compare to KKIA and KLIA. There’s nothing much I could see here. Few people, few foods, shops, everything. I could see a construction site outside the restaurant where we had our lunch. I guess they still need a lot of development here. Anyway, the basic requirements were filled. Plus, it’s an airport so additional features won’t be a needy at all actually. My flight was during the night and I had to wait for 11 hours before I fly for KK. My two friends were gone after 5.00 pm leaving me alone here. I’m a bit sad as I watch them entering the departure hall. It’s been a while I didn’t feel this feeling. Feeling when being left. I discovered the meaning of it firstly when I had to leave my family back in 2002 for study. At that time, I feel really bad and how I wish I could take them along with me. I was very young then and I didnt know anyone, felt so lonely. In the plane, I started to feel a deep sadness and sorrow and the tears just burst as the plane flew off to the sky.

And now it’s happening again.

Royal debate UM 2009

2009-12-08T23:35:00.001-08:00

A visit back to UM maybe was not a right decision after all the weaknesses in how they handle this competition but its worth to give support to my university team and watch them climbing the fiery staircase to the final door. First day already show how worse the next day will be when the team have to carry their luggage climbing the 45˚ road to reach the registration. Now, the highlight of the first day was the dinner. Considering it back, it wasn’t bad but it becomes bad when the next day a group of participant report they had stomachache. Plus, UM also provide a very small hall for gathering. Some participants have to stand and sit on the staircase. Was this how my previous university handling such a big programme? I have to admit I’m a little bit sad seeing this. Even though I’m not belong here anymore but a part of me still resides here.

The journey of the senior team wasn’t easy. From the first day until the final, all rivals were the senior team. First, UKM then UM followed by UiTM, UTP, UIAM, USM and the final was UKM. These universities were the elite university in Malaysia and for a newly upgraded university like UTHM, its like a fight with death. It was nice to watch the debate competition even though I didn’t understand the whole competition. Some words are very alien to me but it’s worth watching. I really enjoy the fight between UTHM and USM not because of the topic they’re arguing about but the female debater from the rival really caught my attention. I really love her outfit. Different from the others and her style of debating was so feminine. It melts my heart.

The senior team must be very exhausted to get to the final round. Back in hostel, I could feel the pressure when they had to stay up just to make the best concept, and finding the best issues. They work really hard and finally God reward them something that will change the view of everyone on them. This was the best achievement they have since getting involve in this competition. And no one is more happy than the they. I guess they want this so badly and that what makes them different from the others. Even during training, so many things happened including accident and misunderstandings between the team itself. Silver lining it is. Every clouds have silver lining.

OMEDETO GOZAIMASU!!!

young buddy...

2009-08-18T15:58:00.000-07:00

after 10 months passed holding the card, i finally activate myself as the member of rakan muda club in my university. yeah...it didn't really excite me. i was just forced to join the programme because i was SO BORED doing nothing in my new room, new hostel, new environment or whatever the new i'm in. there wasn't much thing to do except studying and having chit chat with my new roomate and housemates. a care less person like me would not be interested in unprofitable things like talking about girls or shortly, things that dont excite me. so roomate, no question why i disappeared at 7.30 am and appeared only at 10.50 pm.

the programme was a surprise for me. i always thought when we join a child sponsorship programme, we would stay with a parents but i dont think i get parents. instead, i get grandparents. they are quite old to become my parents. sorry, no meaning to become ungrateful just expressing my false first assumption. anyway, they had been a very good parents to us (i have brother) except they didn't join much of the activities. i guess it was inappropriate for sixties to watch a football game. thank you for the delicious meal, coming back and fro to fetch and send us, the big room and comfortable bed and EVERYTHING but mostly, the knowledge and experience you guys shared as a senior who had discovered lives and now, giving something in return for the people in Malaysia. i didnt really know what the father do but as i remember, he mentioned about judging the judges, examining the employee's salary, and even dealing with criminals. what kind of job was that? what surprise me more, he loves driving. this may sound normal but just imagine driving alone for more than 12 hours? the bus need 2 drivers for that period, but this sixties guy was just amazing. the mother was so bussiness. she did more than 3 bussiness before and now, still busy. even she was already old, she still able to manage her BIG BIG football-size farm. overall, the homestay family was in a very safe and sound condition. no worry at all, just peace and relaxing. money? HAKUNA MATATA brothers and sisters...

the mother, brother, the father wasn't available

first day was a football which i join but had to wear kain batik. it's a new fashion and this is my first time wearing it. it was beautiful and all the players were definitely looked elegant and brutal chasing a ball. in the night, we had talk on usual topic. you can guess correctly and easily what it was.

second day was a futsal competition with the local which i didnt join because no more elengancy and brutality. the girls had their netball and i guess they mostly, lost. in the evening, we visited steel, modified cars, goat and a historical tomb which not stated in history book. according to our guide, my homestay family was a heir of this tomb owner. it's a wow, new info about them. then, we went to the cows farm only to see them dropping bombs and liquids. okay fine~ finally, we reached at one of the participant's homestay family. they breed a kind of leech and also ikan keli. what a bussinessman. he even served us air kelapa muda and thank you. we need it so much.

in the night, the kids had coloring competition which i became one of the judges. i always get A in my art and i guess i've judged it fairly and profesionally. there was also singing comptetition and the brother won, second place. me, no winning. then we try this traditional dance of the state. it was quite difficult for a non-dancer but overall, it was enjoyable. next time, you dancers should try my traditional sumazau and magunatip dance.

last day, we do gotong-royong separately. one group clearing the bushy graveyard, other painting the discolored balai raya, other cleaning the mosque and me do floriculture along a road, way out to my university. and lastly, we have this CLOSING ceremony with a politician. i was not really interested in politic so i just stare at him figuring whether he was trying to brainwash me or not. very sorry, it's a mindset for politic. what most dissapointing me was the father left early since he has a long way to go. and i guess he left purposedly because i knew he didn't like politic. yeah, we're even. isn't just like how father and son should be?

look what we've found! a life

we are not for sale

flour isn't for make up

we cover our aurah. isn't it nice?

happy kids who just lost a family

the warm and generous environmentally friendly florists

the grave of life. they are burying me

you feed me, we give you penny

syashiburi no riding truck

what the ...???

tug of war..lost all the games

froggy style

FIFA kampung cup

did i judge fairly?

zapin-ers...its good to learn other culture

the ball is everywhere

the colors of love

good for the souls

two families were united

its a nice feeling and hoping to join such programme next time? i dont think so...

the old rules forever

2009-08-15T19:49:00.000-07:00

I was fascinated so much by the multitude of people who visit this small restaurant. It was only 7.30 am and this small restaurant was already crowded. I’ve observed it for several days and it was clear to me that every morning people will visit this Chinese restaurant. I never see such restaurant before and I am still wondering what makes it very popular among the local people. From the building, I guess it must have been there since the British era. If it was really from that era, I think I know why people love it very much. What more surprising me is that all sort of races visit this restaurant. From the bus, I could figure clearly which Malay and Chinese having their breakfast in this restaurant. This should be the best manifestation of 1 Malaysia concept. The integration of different races was seen clearly here. People just have their favourite meal without even minding who cook and who sit next to them. They interact each other peacefully and harmoniously and it should be maintained just like the unity of races which our ancestors have built long time ago. Old style is still needed especially in times where people start to separate. Only the one who has lived a long life and have gone through a lot of different phases of life that can truly satisfy everyone without neglecting the need of others or him.

am i ready?

2009-07-04T12:05:00.000-07:00

less than 24 hours then i'll be in class again. looking back at how i spent my 2 months holiday really make me feel nothing. i dont know what to say about it. its just like the previous holiday. the only difference is that this time i didnt return home. my family was very noisy with my refusal to return home and i am surely feel very guilty. i already planned before the holiday started not to go home during the semester break. its just because i feel very USELESS and stupid doing nothing at home. at least i did join some of the university programmes during those periods. i guess my family already used with my life. always wandering everywhere. ive been living away across the sea from them since i was 13 and i guess they should be just OK. besides, i never felt insecure or lonely cause someone would be always there for me. i am ready to leave them. i am still waiting for the class schedule but until now its still not been uploaded yet. i guess i am ready to study back, listening to lecturer, doing assignments & lalalala~

the earth stood still

2009-06-13T10:50:00.000-07:00

i stay at my arabian friend's house yesterday. while waiting for him preparing the dinner, i watch this movie, the earth stood still. this movie is an old one, released in recent years which i dont know when. i just watch it and i am really touched, heart and mind with it. i remember one scene where a professor say, "human are elvoving from age to age, just like other creature that inhabit the other planets in outer space.

so, even the Earth is vanishing slowly because of our own hand, dont stop us because this is the most important and precious moment for every single human. it is time for human to learn and experiencing the outcome. only by experience human are able to evovle" in reality, i think there are rationality in this movie. even Earth today is going through a period of destruction but the life of human will not stop. life will simply transform to another life which i think the world of spirit. even not the life but i guess in mind, there are changes. so, HAKUNA MATATA!!! no worry...

wat is dis???

2009-05-06T11:24:00.000-07:00

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

TugaSan OleH NaQiB...juga untuk anda...

1.adakah anda rasa anda hot ?
yes, every1 falls for me...tetttttt

2.upload gambo kegemaran anda..
atas tue...

3. kenapa anda suka gambar ni?

cos life begins with white, then as life grow other colors will decorate it, there r blue, red etc n life will return to white eventually no matter how colorful life s before

4.bilakah kali terakhir anda mkn piza?
last year with beloved P.A.

lagu terakhir anda dgr?

secret admirer by MOCCA, u should listen too..nice n easy

apa anda sedang buat selain buat tag ni?

nothing else...my fren just gone home. bit lonely at d moment

selain nama anda, apakah lagi nama yang orang panggil anda??

at home, im called nanak..here sirus n cyrus

tag 5 orang

SINGA
u
u
u
u

siapa no.1?

biarla rahsia

siapa pula no2?
seorg yg misteri

orang no3 ada hbgan dgn sapa?

dirinya sndiri

bagaimana pula dengan no.4?

mengenali sy

katakan sesuatu ttg no.5?

tgah membaca

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senaraikan 5 hadiah yg anda impikan?

1) ketekunan

2) kebahagiaan

3) suara

4) best fren

5) skills

alasan terhadap pilihan tersebut

1) ketekunan bleh mengatasi genius~ rock lee...dis wat i need d most. no other things..

2) i wan every1 2 be happy wit their lives

3) i like singing

4) 2 be united wit all human as 1 4 d sake of world's greatest unity

5) independence

5 impresi terhadap orang yang diminati:

1) thp integrasi yg tinggi

2) busy

3) mysterious

4) help-ful

5) open-minded

5 ciptaan yang paling disukai:

1) manusia

2) haiwan

3) tumbuhan

4) air

5) angin

5 perkara yg dibenci

1) RACIST

2) discrimination

3) suka JUDGE org like u watch me 4 25 hours

4) ego yg mlampau-lampau

5) close-minded

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enough is enough

2009-05-01T12:43:00.000-07:00

ten mintues 2 go n i'll be free! yes! dats wat i think before d clock strike 11 am. 11.01 am, no one is moving. every1 s still sitting stiffly on their seat focussing 100++--% 2 d white paper on their table. i wonder y no one is standing n hand in their answer sheet 2 d examiner in front. i looked back 2 d front page of my question paper n look 4 d duration given. it says 3 hours. okay i tell myself, u still hv 1 hour n decide wisely wat 2 do in 1 hour.

d reason i do this s becos im already blank. i hv no idea wat 2 answer n write on my answer sheet anymore. again n again, i stare at d questions 1 by 1 trying very very hard 2 recall wat suitable solution may solve it. damn! i cant even merepek. ive enough idea, solution, everything 2 make it looked answered correctly. 15 minutes before d times over, i meditate. this wat i always do since my reputation declined drastically for d past 2 years. im not meditating 2 get marks for d crap i answer but i meditate not 2 get depressed when d result came out later.

i dunno y everything have 2 be so hard today. even waking up early in d morning s like growing potatoes on a very bright sunny day. but despite all this rough time, i learn how 2 build a barrier. a smooth barrier which reflects d light of depression whenever it shines on me. these days, i realized i recover very quickly when something get on me like failure in exam n in relationship as well. being happy always n all ways s surely good but it makes me taking everything 4 granted n cincai2. old proverbs from d old folks like take it easy s very confusing, right? it doesnt really apply in certain situation. its enough 2 hear theirs n now s d time 4 each one of us 2 create our own story...

love from diana

2009-04-21T21:13:00.000-07:00

"Now that a few years hv elapsed since my 'death', so-called, i hv been invited 2 say my piece...an invitation I am more than happy 2 accept." recently, im reading this book n guess wat so special about it? theres nothing interesting. ive had 6 to 7 books like this. its like a fairy-tale, d dead princess diana s alive in hereafter n warning u to live good-ly n harmony thru d writer. s d dead communicating? yes, i know most rational ppl will think d writer hv some kind of mental disorder cos today is a sc n tech era. such supernatural phenomenon will neva ever happen. as a person who prefer fantasy than reality, this book is so true in making d world a better place. d reason i say so s dat even its a ridiculous book but it has d message of love we all need 2 save d world from war, famine n any disasters. sometimes such book is better than a book which expose shame n bad things of a certain person by d purpose of telling u d TRUTH. 4 me, such book s nothing than an expression of hatred. a book dat encourage u 2 hate n hate. we already know how 2 know evil n good. if u say no, ur lying cos im sure uve learnt from d best a.k.a ur parents n also ur surroundings...

get paid at last

2009-04-17T23:33:00.000-07:00

i just received my very 1st award in my life as a university student. joining a progrm was really a big pain n burden at first but finally, the job was paid. hey3...ive learnt so much things from d seniors eventhough they're quite bossing n order me to do this n that but as time passed by, God shows that it's only d matter of time. all glory goes to God finally.

next week will be my final n things started to calm today. everything went back to its original position. time to study n focus on books...

what is the MATTER with you?

2009-01-29T18:43:00.000-08:00

im so not happy with my newly formatted laptop. i just formatted it last week and now it causing me trouble again. i have to let it operating for 25 hours a day cause it refuse to shut down

today's world

2009-01-27T04:11:00.000-08:00

im sure we are all aware of things happening in west asia today yet it is not a new things for all of us. they've been fighting for years and until today, they keep on slaying each other. Palestine bombed Israel, Israel bombed Palestine. i dont understand what's wrong with them. my priest once said, Israel and Palestine were the route taken by the Lord during His journey with His parents to Egypt. there, the Lord faced the worst trouble. im not sure what kind of trouble but He was a baby back then. journey for a parents with a newly-born baby was definitely hard because at those times, people are travelling by camel crossing the hot and dry desert. maybe thats why these places were having the worst time until today.
ive heard many of my friend cursing the Israelites for slaying and bombing innocent kids. YES! the Israelites are insane because they have no sense of humanity. they are no less than animal. they are the real satan. regardless all of this anger and hatred expression i am so n0t sure how HATRED can bring the LOVE and PEACE we need in this region especially when cursing in the name of GOD. in fact, GOD is so loving to all humankind, will a loving GOD destroy His own creation just because another creation ask Him to do so? im speechless...

apa ni?

2008-12-29T07:37:00.000-08:00

giv two answer for each question...that's it...simple....
i've been tag to do this......huhuhu..

Two names you go by

1. cyrus
2. sirus

Two things you are wearing right now

1. t-shirt hari kokurikulum uthm
2. short pants

Two things you want very badly at the moment
1. sing!

2.sing!

Two things you did last night just before bed
1. check my late email

2. read here what we'll say

Two things you ate today
1. kfc

2. kek lapis swak from awang

Two people you just spoke with
1. KJ
2. rardi

Two things you are doing tomorrow
1. chatting
2. answering apa ni?

Two longest car rides
1. frm house to airport
2. frm airport to college

Two favourite beverages
1. air suam

2. nespray

2 persons who are chosen to do this tag
1. U
2. you

fly back to jb

2008-12-26T16:52:00.000-08:00

i was focusing too much on surfing that i almost miss my flight. as the announcement rang to invite the passangers to go the boarding gate, i rushed recklessly to check in my luggage. as i handed my ticket, i suddenly think that there was no reason why i need to rush after the endless line was gone just now. thanks God, i'd made it just in time.

this was my first time flying during the night. i thought it would be wonderful to see the twinkling stars but all i could see was just a black figure outside the plane. the bad weather made it even worse for the plane to fly smoothly. i could see a mother crying as she holds tightly her baby when the flight was like going to crush twice. even though it was a critical situation but seeing such love of a mother make me feel a bit safe as it reminded me of my own mom and of course, the blessed Mother Mary.

however, at the moment i couldnt deny that i was also overwhelmed with fears and all i could do was just praying for a safe death. that means, i put my hereafter entirely in God's hand but i was still alive. it might be weird but in fact, i really wanted to experience a plane crush for no good reason at all. anyway, i'm just grateful to God for always listening to my prayer even though i have to spend a night sleeping alone in living room as i couldnt get in to my room when i reach kuittho

my final..

2008-11-06T03:57:00.000-08:00

hey there..been a while i didnt write here
hm..i just finish havin ma math this evening
nothing much 2 say bout it but overall, im confident 2 get 1 question correct!!!
thats mean d rest, DISASTER!!!
i know la its my fault 4 not studying hard..ha3
serve u right!!!
after final, i x know if i wanna go home o x...

raya but not holiday

2008-09-25T00:56:00.000-07:00

hey there, its aidilfitri again!!!

what i like about this day is because of lots of sales n the most exciting is its a HOLIDAY. nevertheless, assignments took away all the excitements n i hate it so much!!

why on earth we must have assignments when we started to relax n enjoy our leisure moments?

i thought we're told to play when the time to play came, n study when the time to study came??? so holiday suppose to be spent with doing nothing.
i thought i'll stay alone in my college n befriending with the unseen this raya but thanks God, i have these international students to stay with.

by the way, happy hari raya to all readers

new malaysia

2008-09-16T23:09:00.000-07:00

id been living in malaysia since i could remember.

i mean since i knew what country was about.

as long as this, i never thought malaysia would undergo changes to a so-called better malaysia.
yesterday was the date promised by the advisor of PKR party to start a new government but nothing happened.

i couldnt say it was a fake promise but so far, 31 leaders from BN had been reported to join the opposition party.

for sure this wasnt good for the government party.

another source said, former prime minister and one of the leader that i respect the most, tun mahathir would rejoin the BN party back.

maybe his return will bring a bright hope for the BN who was now in unstable position and thus, able to continue ruling this country.
even though im a little bit afraid of the change, at the same time, i am so "WONDER"-ful to see malaysia in the hand of a new ruler with new thinking…

shook head

2008-09-08T04:31:00.000-07:00

i dont know what to say about this
if i give any comments about it
then it seems like im condemning my own beloved university
but its not easy when u'r dealing with life outside there where people judge between right n wrong
even we r wise enough, trying not to hurt anyone's feeling
but we have to say
THIS IS VERY EMBARRASING!!! RIDICULUOS...
check it for urself
http://mt.m2day.org/2008/content/view/12081/84/
http://adrianhoe.com/adrianhoe/2008/08/30/a-disgrace-to-malaysian-tertiary-education/
regardless
this is not the time to blame, laugh or embarrass anyone for this stupid mistake
i believe we have our weakness too
so better take this as a lesson for a better world tomorrow

guilt

2008-09-06T18:15:00.000-07:00

attending mass every sunday should be my responsiblity as a catholic but i always failed to do it

eventhough i have a very strong desire to go but maybe most probably because of my lack of commitment, then i end up with failure

my previous institue was quite nearby to a church

but here, it took about 45 minutes to get to the nearest church, so maybe i think this was also the reason why i became too lazy to go

actually, i didnt think that the Lord would get angry with me for not attending His mass or service but deep in my heart, i knew what i did was totally wrong

now, theres a BIG guilt i have to carry in my life

i hope for your prayer, readers...

blog, huh?

2008-09-05T06:06:00.000-07:00

today, 5 sept 08 at 9.07 pm i decided to create my own blog
im not really sure what im going to do with this stuff since i assume blog as our own diary or journal
and i am not the one who likes to share what i did every day because private life is my top priority
maybe to share all of my stories wont be an option but maybe a bit of how i live and observe what life is all about
so happy reading
(^ ^)