ALONE in a CROWD...

after leaving this place for 2 years, i finally get the chance to return here again. this place hasn't change much. the cafe that used to be my favorite still here. even the 1 ringgit drinks also still here. i would like to visit all the places here before i go back to my hometown but time is so limited. but i guess, that is why i have to make full use of my time here, appreciate everything, every seconds. unable to continue my study here is such black hole in my life. i would never thought that this one mistake would finally curse the rest of my life. i've devoted myself to study but unable to get what i desire the most is really HURTing. though, life goes on hoping that things will get clear eventually. the environment here is really different from my own university. the students wake up very early even during holiday. back in my own, if there is no activities they will sleep for more than 10 hours including myself. skipping breakfast and wake up only at lunch hour. it's really a BIG LOSS for me to be eliminated. how i wish i can continue my live here. it will make a difference...

even i try to live optimistically i cant really free myself from the past. i always said to my friends "past is a past. forget the past, move to future" when they mentioned about my background before but in fact, i CANT. i just cant forget where i used to be. how i used to be. back then even i have no friends, i never felt lonely or losing hope to live. but now, even i am surrounded with so many people but i still feel this BIG HOLE in my life. hopeless, emptiness and loneliness...